OK, now that I've got the kitchen timer turned off...and in the process noticed that the boys (a 4-year-old in particular) were playing in the mud which I had already explicitly told them not to do...where was I? Oh yeah, life being busy. So, last week started by us coming home from Big Bear on Sunday (feels like a world away) and then Monday I had to pick up Isaac's car from a park 'n ride near the beach. That's right, the wonderful thing about southern California is that we were in the snow one day and on a 72* beach the next day. And, as you might have guessed by me picking up Isaac's car, he worked away from home all last week. So, after I picked up the car I took the boys by the beach. I tried with all my might to avoid it because I have been having problems with my heart and I was tired and had a lot of unpacking to do at home, but it's like the beach has a magnetic pull and I just couldn't be so close without stopping by. (We only live 30 minutes from this beach...but don't go as often as I would like.) It was great fun for the short time we were there (I didn't have much change for the meter). The boys played on a playground that is in the sand and then they moved to playing with the sand and then we progressed toward the water and they got to put their toes in. They loved it, running and squealing the whole time. It was hard to drag Joel away from the water when it was time to go. As we left the boys got to run and scare about 500 seagulls who were sitting on the beach. Wish I had my camera with me. :( Tuesday came around with me catching my mom's cold. I was sick the rest of the week and with Isaac gone, things were hard. It's difficult when you're not feeling good and there is no one to give you a break. How do single moms do it? I am in awe of single moms.
The doctor called me on Monday with results from the heart halter I had worn the previous week. It did catch one of episodes I have been feeling and after looking at all 24 hours of results the doc thought I should go on medication to slow down my heart. Now, for those of you who know me I like midwives, homeopathic remedies, herbs and vitamins...not pharmaceuticals so much. I know they have their place and can save lives, but it is not always my first choice. So, promising to avoid caffeine and get more rest bought me a week without medication. I decided to get a second opinion from a cardiologist. Part of this decision is that I want to know why my heart is beating too fast and having palpitations. I need to have further testing done...not just "your hearts beating too fast so here's your medication". Something that has to be considered is that my grandma had problems with her heart valves, and also that I haven't been ruled out yet from having TSC (since it is hereditary about a third of the time). TSC can cause benign tumors to grow in any of your vital organs including the heart. So I don't feel comfortable unless we do more testing.
I saw the cardiologist on Friday and he ordered more testing, an ultrasound and a stress test (you know, the dreaded treadmill). These are scheduled in the coming month. I will keep you posted about what's going on. Before we go any further, I should probably fill you in on what's been happening with my heart. About three weeks ago I was on a day outing with my family and we were taking a walk when all of a sudden my heart started misplacing beats (that's how I describe palpitations) after a few seconds of palpitations it turned into racing and pounding. So fast and so hard that it took my breath away. It was hard to breath and I felt lightheaded (like I was going to faint) and dizzy and I felt overheated so I had to take off my jackets (in the snow, I might add). This lasted several minutes (way too long) and part way through it felt like my chest was tightening. As my heart slowed somewhat I got a really sharp pain in my right shoulder. This lasted about 5-10 minutes with my heart still beating too rapidly and still feeling like I couldn't get enough oxygen. Scary stuff. Up until this happened I had only had palpitations occasionally (like maybe once every couple of months) during the last about four years. My mom has palpitations so I kind of expected to have palpitations also, but not an episode like this. Since that episode I have been having palpitations almost daily, multiple times a day. Whenever I get them I feel light headed and dizzy and I feel like I can't breath. I have also in general just been feeling exhausted and have a lack of energy. I have been waking up at night with my heart racing. Some other things, may or may not be connected, I have had a low fever (off and on) for over a year now (docs don't know why), my memory has been REALLY BAD lately (and I mean so bad it's scary...not just memory but thinking in general is bad), my eyesight is getting worse weekly and now I am often having trouble focusing my eyes. On top of all that I am losing my hair. Hopefully we can figure out what's going on soon because I sound like I am falling apart.
Thankfully Friday night Isaac came home. It was kinda hard to be thinking scary things about my heart all week without really being able to share it with him. Saturday I felt awful...it was one of my worst days...fever, heart acting up, really super weak (I almost couldn't stand or walk), exhausted, eyes not focusing...and then, God gave me a blessing through my children. "Mommy, mommy come outside fast!" And there before my eyes was the most beautiful rainbow. I was blessed to be able to get a picture of it before it slowly vanished.
God's rainbow is a promise to us...Genesis 9:16 "Whenever the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will see it and remember the everlasting covenant between God and all living creatures of every kind on the earth." The covenant this refers to is God promising never to destroy the earth again with a flood. But on Saturday, that rainbow meant more than that. It was a promise to me from God that he was with me and that no matter what is happening there is beauty surrounding me if I only look up to the sky.
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