JOEL CAN COUNT TO TEN!

I will let the video speak for itself...

(make sure your volume is turned up!)

I am so full of joy!  I feel like I am walking on air.  :)  For those of you who know Joel or read my post "When Your Child Can't Talk", you know what a surprise this was and how much it means to us.

The amazing woman you hear in the video is one of Joel's ABA therapists (the one I call "K").  We have been working on teaching Joel to talk in ABA, with excellent progress, but he is still needing a lot of prompting.  We had not been trying to teach him to count.  That still seemed a ways off.  We have, however, used counting to ten several times in the last few weeks for taking a "break" when Joel has not cooperated with what he was told to do, or told not to do.  He occasionally repeated the numbers with slight interest, so you can imagine how shocked we were today when he took the lead in counting!  Our jaws were hanging on the ground!  I had tears in my eyes as I listened to him count over and over, every time he ran off the playground into the planter.  I am so thankful that K suggested to take video so Joel's other therapists would believe us.  I was able to show the video to Isaac (Joel's daddy) when he got home from work and my heart swelled as I  watched him get tears in his eyes.  I love that I will be able to watch it over and over, but even better, I love that I can walk into the back yard right now and sit Joel down and count with him.  :)  I can't stop grinning from ear to ear.  Tonight it's time to celebrate!

Our First TSC Conference

I am so thankful for today.  We went to an all day TSC conference at UCLA, which is a long two-and-a-half hour drive from our house.  I am completely mentally and emotionally exhausted right now.  I am even typing half-blind because my eyes just couldn't stand my contacts any more.  I am completely ready for bed, and headed there as soon as I'm done typing this post, but I needed to write this before my head hit the pillow.

We heard so much great information today shared by some of the leading doctors and researchers in the field.  It was so much, I hope I can retain everything.  We met some other parents who have children with TSC, amazing parents who were so open to sharing what they have learned along this long journey.  For that I am thankful.  We were protected from an accident on wet roads as we left UCLA.  It was obvious that God put a buffer around our car as a speeding SUV lost control directly behind us and fishtailed within feet of our front bumper.  How that car managed to come in front of us before fishtailing instead of sideswiping us was only by God's hand.  Isaac and I went out to dinner on our way home.  A much needed date that had been a long time coming.  But the best part of today was that three other people were there for Joel (and any other future clients they may have with TSC, which I would highly recommend this company to other local families - email me and I'll give you their info).  Two are his new ABA therapists and one hopefully will be soon.  How incredible to have a large part of our team there, learning the intricacies of TSC.  Tuberous Sclerosis is such a complex disorder and I know it will be so helpful to Joel for the team working with him to understand more about this condition.  I can not even put into words how thankful we are that they were there, how thankful we are for this company that truly cares about Joel and our family, and how thankful we are for the incredible individuals that make up this company.

We are feeling very cared about and supported as we venture into this next stage of life.  We are blessed.

With love and thankfulness,
Joel's Mom

Well, Hello There!

It's a new year.  I've just finished giving the blog a whole new look.  And I'm back!

I've been meaning to start blogging again for a few months now.  It has been on my heart that I need to be Joel's voice as well as the voice of our family.  I need for people to understand how hard we try and how much we all go through.  I am tired of getting looks.  I am tired of people assuming that we just "let" Joel have his way.  I would like to give friends, family and strangers a window into our lives in order for everybody to have a better understanding of what families with a disabled child go through.  And I also want you to fall in love with the sweetness that is in Joel's heart, like I have.  My only problem is that there aren't enough hours in the day, but I will do my best to post at least on a weekly basis.  Thank you for being here, because I know if you're here then you care about Joel and our family, and for that I am grateful.

Goodnight for now, friend.
With loving care,
Annie

There's No Place Like Home!

There truly is no place like home! Even though it's dirty and messy like a tornado went through it, there is this special feeling when you walk through the door. This sense of finally being able to relax and be comfortable. I can not even express how much I am looking forward to being in my own wonderful bed tonight (very soon, I might add). I honestly can't remember the last time I was this exhausted. I think being pregnant doesn't help. I feel like I can't move a muscle in my body. To top things off, I have had a headache for pretty much the entire time we were at the hospital and I've been nauseous the last couple days. I think the cafeteria food didn't help. No, actually I KNOW it didn't help! My mom made dinner for us tonight since we had to pick up the boys at their house anyways, and it was the best tasting food I've tasted for a VERY long time. Thanks, Mom! While we were at my parents, Isaac and I informed Jonny and Jason that we were planning on having Joel sleep with us tonight, since it was his first night back and he is just getting back on his normal anti-seizure medicine routine. (The three boys normally sleep together because Joel can't sleep by himself.) We didn't want Joel's seizures to wake up the boys. They quickly protested, stating that the reason they were soooo excited that we were back and because they missed sleeping with Joel and were looking forward to it. Guess where Joel is sleeping right now. Well, I am going to bed now. I just wanted to say how wonderful it is to be all together as a family again and how great it is to be home! Goodnight.

An Early Christmas Gift

This is the first of several updates on our family. Sorry I have been so bad about posting lately, but I have good reasons which you will discover through the following updates. I am still trying to take a picture on most days, but obviously have not been able to keep up with posting Project 365. I may try to get back into it, but there is so much going on right now that it is not on my priority list. For those of you who don't know yet...we received an early Christmas surprise.

We are expecting baby #4!

Due on or around December 26, 2010. (Crazy that it's the day after Christmas, which also happens to be the day my grandpa passed away in 2008.)

We heard the baby's heartbeat today. Every one of us is excited. The boys are hoping for a sister...and I have to admit that I would LOVE to be able to buy girl clothes. But we would all be happy with a boy, if that's what it is. As long as the baby is healthy, which means so much more to me when I say it now as opposed to before we had Joel. I always assumed my babies would be healthy before having Joel...now I know the cold, hard truth that healthy is not always the case. So please pray with us that this baby is born without TSC and that it is healthy.

I am ten weeks and two days today. I have been feeling pretty sick and am looking forward to being twelve weeks, as that is when my morning (all day) sickness went away on my other three pregnancies.

I am going to leave you with pictures of my first three when they were newborn, or close to it. (Poor middle kid doesn't have too many pictures, the best newborn photo I could find of him was when he was three months old. I know I have some I can not find...hopefully they didn't burn up in my parents fire, which is a very real possibility.)

My first - Jonny - now nine years old

Jason - the middle child - to be seven this month

And my Joely - the baby for now - four years old

I love my babies!

VBS on Outrigger Island

Outrigger Island is this year's Vacation Bible School's theme. It's fun!By the way...in the background you can see the trailer where my parents have lived since the fire (in our church's parking lot).

Sorry I can't post this week. I have been super busy and EXHAUSTED. I am leading music for our Church's Vacation Bible School. And it has proven to be exhausting. Add to that Jason (and I think now Joel) are sick with colds that are going around VBS. Then there is the fact that I think Joel is having seizures again (so I am having to make extra calls to doctors) and Joel has been difficult this week. Then there is the fact that this is Isaac's fourth week working 5 hours away from home. And I am not getting enough sleep because of all my responsibilities...soooo you can see how I am so exhausted and don't have time to post until probably Saturday. We could use some prayer in this family. Thank you to all of you who visit this blog and follow our story and thank you to all of you who pray for us. You are a huge encouragement to me.

Joel's Surgery...and more pictures

I have been fielding some questions about Joel's surgery lately which has really got me to thinking about it. I realize that I have never really posted details and I have been thinking that I would like to help people who may be in the situation where the surgery may need to be considered. So, very soon I will be doing a several part post about his surgery. It really changed our lives! :)

Here are some more of my favorite photos from the last month:

My sister-in-law and I did some (TONS) of canning.
I am going to have to post about it 'cause I have tons of great pictures.

Jonny broke his ankle. What a pain...literally (and figuratively)!

My boys!

Joel likes Grampy's hat...or any straw hat for that matter.

Brothers, aren't they cute together!

I've got to run to Joel's OT (Occupational Therapy) now, but I still have more pics I want to share with you later...that's the problem with not posting for a month and being a person who LOVES taking pictures. Now sharing them all at once for you it seems like a lot, but really it's no more than I would have shown you if I had been posting regularly.

I'm back...

...and can't believe it's been a whole month since I've posted. I am so sorry. This past month has been very difficult in many ways and I just didn't have time to post due to added responsibilities. I am extremely exhausted right now, so I will leave you with some of my favorite photos from the past month and I will try to write an update in the next few days.











More to come...

Happy 5th Birthday, Jason!!!

I can't believe you're five today. You are growing up so fast and I love the young man you're becoming. You have such a sweet spirit and I love how you love to have fun. You're giggle makes everyone around you light up with huge smiles and joy. Your brothers love you and enjoy playing with you. I love how you guys are such good friends and how well you get along. My prayer for you is that you will continue to love the Lord with all your heart and that you will hunger to learn more about Him as you grow. God blessed me and Daddy so much when he gave you to us. I thank him every day for you. I am enjoying watching you become more adventurous, outgoing, and imaginative. I hope you had a great day today. I'm looking forward to your first train ride and the beach on Saturday.

Love, Mama
Note: We had a fun day today spending time as a family, then we had a special family dinner. Our tradition is the birthday boy (or girl) gets to choose their favorite food for their birthday dinner. Jason chose KFC and brownies. I would have preferred to cook something, but that's what he wanted. On Saturday we will finish his birthday celebration. We have another tradition we started with Jonny. Each child gets his first train ride on their fifth birthday then afterwards we take a picnic to the park or beach. Jason wanted the beach with sand and since Jonny currently has a cast on his ankle and can't go in the sand we modified our plans from going to a beach on Coronado to going to La Jolla Shores. La Jolla Shores is a great beach that has a grassy park-like area as well as sand and swimming. It's a wonderful beach for little guys because it's shallow for quite far out and it has nice sand (not too rocky). We are all super looking forward to Saturday. My mom and dad will spend the day with us. Happy birthday, Jason! We love you!

My Miracle Boy

Yes, I know his face is messy.
It was the first time he fed himself with a spoon!
But look at that JOY.

This is his playful, silly face. A face that I want to cover in kisses. My little goober was in a great mood that morning (he does like oatmeal)!

Miracles can happen to those who love the Lord.
Blessed are they that believe in Him, His kingdom shall be yours.
(Miracles Can Happen by Sandi Patty)

This part of this song floats around in my head often. My favorite part: miracles CAN happen. Now, I'm not saying miracles WILL happen to those who love the Lord. I am saying they CAN happen. I have been blessed by seeing multiple miracles happen. Most have been through Joel. It is not easy to be a parent of a child with special needs. But it definitively has its rewarding moments and God has given us many of these.

There are too many to list, but I will highlight a few. It's a miracle...

...removing almost a quarter of Joel's brain stopped the seizures. He had constant underlying seizures with various other seizures approximately 4-30+ times every day from 6 weeks old until December 14, 2006 when he had the surgery that God had led us to. (That's a whole post of it's own!)

...removing so much of his brain didn't impair him further. A test before the surgery revealed that part of his brain wasn't working. When they removed the large tuber the surgeon said it was calcified and the brain tissue surrounding it was irritated. This explained why he had almost no control over his right hand and why he used to stare at it for hours...it probably had a funny feeling in it. The fine motor strip (area in the brain that controls fine motor skills) was irritated. Gradually after the surgery as the irritation went away he regained use of his right hand and stopped holding it up and staring at it. He still prefers his left hand, though.

...Joel can walk and run. The first fifteen months of his life we didn't know if he would ever do these. All he would do is lay there like a lump. Sometimes he would play with a rattle or small toy for over an hour (which concerned us about Autism). He didn't sit up until fifteen months old (a week before his surgery) which scared us. It's a miracle that Joel crawled two months after surgery and walked four months after that (six months post-surgery).

...Joel can see. Pre-surgery we didn't know what Joel could see. We knew that he could see light but we didn't know if he could see anything more. He never focused on faces or much of anything. He didn't interact with us at all. We didn't know if it was because of the seizures or very poor eyesight. Since the surgery we know for sure that he doesn't have any eyesight in the right side of both eyes, this is because the part of the brain that controls that was removed during the surgery. But we also now know (the Dr. said he believes) that the eyesight that Joel does have is good. :) Some days it is better than others. If he is tired, not feeling well or over-stimulated his eyesight will become worse and he gives a lot of blank stares, but when he is feeling good we know he can see. His eyesight is a bit slow and it is hard for him to follow with it, but it improves every month. I get tears of joy every time he looks deeply and lovingly into my eyes and gives me his sweet little dimpled "I love you, Mama!" grin.

...Joel smiles! A smile was very rare pre-surgery but now is a regular occurrence. I sure LOVE that dimpled grin!!! He is one little boy who now enjoys life and knows what joy feels like!

...he likes to play. Joel has made a connection to his family members. He likes to play with his brothers and he even gets jealous of Jason. This may not sound so great to you...but it is. It means his thinking is complicated enough to have that emotion and have the spunk to do something about it (like get Mommy or Daddy's attention). Through a special type of therapy called Floor Time he has made a special bond with me. Floor Time teaches my how to play with him where we can connect and interact. It helps increase his communication. And boy has it helped. When we started it (about 6 months ago?) he was not connected to me emotionally. We had both been through a lot in his little life and that special bond had simply never formed. I was his caregiver but he thought he didn't need me for anything else. Thus, he didn't communicate with me, he didn't like to play with me (or anyone else), he would only play with a toy if I put it in the middle of the floor and left the room so he was alone. Now it's a whole different story. He LOVES playing with me and doesn't want to play by himself. He makes eye contact, he grins at me, he even laughs at me. He gives me kisses while I play with him. The teachers who are teaching us Floor Time even commented today how much they saw the connection between us and how sweet the loving looks he gives me are. That in itself is a huge miracle.

...Joel is doing so well with Gross motor skills that he graduated from physical therapy last November. A mere 11 months after surgery. Not only can he walk and run, he is now an expert climber, he loves to throw balls and he has just started kicking them.

...he is doing excellent (for him) in occupational therapy. We worked for about a year on getting him to drop a toy into something, anything. I started to feel like he never would. The goal was a shape sorter. Well he now can do a shape sorter with two shapes and he is great at (and loves) dropping things into other things. :) He has also conquered many difficult cause and effect toys. Even though he is still really behind his age group, his fine motor skills are starting to catch up. Miracle!

...it is looking more and more like he isn't Autistic. The Autistic features he has had his whole life are slowly disappearing. What's more, I have discovered through an excellent Vision Consultant who God placed in our lives that most of the concerning behaviors can be explained by his visual impairment. That other children with visual impairment have the exact same difficulties. 1 in 3 people who have Tuberous Sclerosis also have Autism. Those are high odds and along with behaviors we were seeing we were concerned. But amazingly (God IS amazing!) those behaviors no longer concern us.

...Joel is starting to talk. This miracle is the most recent and I am still walking on cloud nine. Again, this is a result of Floor Time. We were really starting to feel like we would never hear his sweet little voice forming words. As he is approaching three years old it really concerned us that he didn't have any words (other than an occasional "bye-bye", which became rare). In the last month he has gone from pretty much no words to a small (very cute) vocabulary. I would say he now has about 20 words including animal sounds. And sometimes he imitates words we say really well. Even if we don't hear them again he is learning.

There are so many more but this post is already way to long. I would like to tell you one last thing about what God has done in our lives: he sends along just the right person at the right time. He has granted us with wonderful doctors and especially wonderful therapists. He has given us a wonderful support system (our family, church, friends, and even the Tuberous Sclerosis Alliance in Southern California). He has guided us to exactly the thing Joel needs at the time, whether it be surgery or a certain type of therapy. He has guided our footsteps and been with us every step of the way. THAT is truly a miracle.

P.S. One last miracle. Joel is feeding himself with a spoon now. Started doing this about three weeks ago. Messy but wonderful.

Where did I leave off?

Oh, yeah. It was just before our Indio trip. Sorry it's been so long...when we came back Jason was sick, then we had internet problems, and now I am sick. But I will attempt to catch you up anyway...

On Friday our trip to my parents Indio timeshare started with us meeting them, Jonny and Jason (they left with my parents on Thursday) at the Palm Springs Aerial Tramway. It was awesome! Makes your knees tremble a little, even for someone who's not afraid of heights, but my mom who is afraid of heights would be the first to tell you it was definitively worth it. The view is gorgeous during the ride and once you get up to the top it is a totally different world. We did some hiking on the trails at the top, took some pictures and throughly enjoyed being in back country without having to do the work (read: hiking) to get there. ;) It was beautiful. At the end the boys enjoyed some rock climbing...all three of them. :) To anyone visiting southern California, I would highly recommend visiting Palm Springs and taking the Aerial Tramway. Warning: Take warm clothes...you are visiting the top of a mountain, after all. It was 80 degrees at the bottom but 50 degrees when we reached the top. Now that's COLD for someone born and raised in so. Cal. LOL ;) Hope you enjoyed the slide show.

Beauty & Joy

I love this picture because all I see when I look at it are beauty and joy. Look at those eyelashes and cute baby teeth. I love when he smiles. Look at that gorgeous curly hair. I love his curly hair. I've never told you but one of his nicknames is "Curly". I love how he is being playful with Daddy in this picture. This picture was taken at the San Diego Zoo on Tuesday. It was a field trip/family day. God's timing is perfect, you see we decided a little over a month ago that Isaac would take the day off work to go with us. Jonny was going on a two hour behind the scenes tour and needed an adult to go with him. The little guys were too young to go on the tour and needed an adult with them. Since I can't be in two places we had decided Isaac would go. Guess what happened. Isaac had most of the week off due to lack of work. Not a great situation but couldn't have come in a better week since we had the zoo on Tuesday and today we are leaving for Indio. Actually, we are supposed to be leaving in an hour and I'm not packed yet...so I better go pack. I'll leave you with more pictures from the zoo. We had a great time! (And by the way, Jonny wants to run a zoo when he grows up...perfect field trip for him!)

Thank you to my wonderful husband who watched the little ones for two hours while I went on the behind the scenes tour with Jonny.

Mommy (me) & Jonny on the tour.

We got to pet the camel!

Why is it that the reptile house is always a favorite with little boys? Both of my boys want to work with reptiles when they grow up.

The hippo was awesome!

Crazy

And just when I thought life couldn't get any crazier...meet today and tomorrow. Today I woke up calling the doctor. This thing with Joel has just gone on too long and I told them I am not comfortable waiting any longer. What prompted this? Blood in his diaper again last night. He has been having blood in most of his diapers. What happened over the last week, you ask. Last Thursday I called the doctor about his urine and the blood in the diapers. He said that he wanted to test the urine that day, so we did that. It showed moderate blood and I think some white blood cells, so they sent it out to be cultured. They told me to come back next Thursday to test it again and if it showed blood then they would order blood work. Well, we are still waiting on the results of the culture. Today the nurse practitioner said the lab had the results but they were still working on getting the lab to fax the results to them. (I hate waiting games! Especially when it comes to my baby!) So, back to this morning. The doctor said they needed to see Joel. So after doing school with Jonny, Floor Time Therapy with one of Joel's Hope therapists, and feeding the kids lunch, we were off the doctor. Me and the whole gang. It's kinda interesting to watch peoples reaction when I walk into a room herding three little boys, some people raise their eyebrows and look away and others watch us and chuckle under their breath. One lady even commented to her son and we walked by that this is how it looked when him and his brother and sister where little. The nurse practitioner was great. She ordered a renal ultrasound. (This isn't as bad as it sounds...it just means an ultrasound of his kidneys. TSC can cause benign tumors to grow on any of his vital organs so it is important to check for this among other things.) She also order a bunch of blood work including blood sugar level, so it has to be a fasting blood draw. Because of this we are going in tomorrow morning to get it drawn. As soon as we got home from the doctor I made brownies for my dad's birthday celebration which was tonight, got everyone ready for the party and went. Everybody had a great time and we didn't get home until 10:15pm. Way past their bed times. Shhh, don't tell Daddy. He's working in El Centro again. So, once again I am single moming it this week. The great thing this week is he should be home tomorrow night as they are finishing that job. Yeahhhhh! :) :) :) :) Bedtime went surprisingly well for it being so late and being a bath night and me having to do it all by myself. Joel gets his anti-seizure meds at night so it makes the whole bed-time routine a little harder. After they were all in bed I cleaned the entire kitchen. :) Even though I am exhausted, the kitchen is sparkling clean. :) Tomorrow morning I start the craziness all over again. What do I have on my plate? Joel's blood work at 8:30. My heart ultrasound at 9:30. The kids breakfast and Jonny and Jason's school. Lunch. Joel's occupational therapy (40 minute drive one-way) at 1:00. Jonny's piano lesson at 2:00. (Which reminds me that he needs to practice in the morning, too.) Hopefully after all this I will get a nap (which I will desperately need) before I cook a special dinner for Isaac since he is coming home after me not seeing him since Sunday (which feels like an eternity ago). It may not sound like much to you, but add in three little boys putting kinks into my plans by getting hurt, a little fighting, insisting they get THEIR own way...you get the point. Anyways, I know I will hit the ground running in the morning and not stop until I hit my pillow at night (or hopefully that nap I am going to try for :}). If you are still with me reading at this point, I applaud you for sticking with it. :) I know this has been a long post. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for caring about us enough to keep checking back here and for those of you praying for us...God BLESS you! We definitely need all the prayer we can get! I will do my best to post an update on anything I might find out tomorrow about Joel or my heart. It will probably be evening before I get to sit down at the computer. Good night my friends, I better get some sleep before tomorrow comes! Annie

Busy, busy, busy (& my heart)

It's always amazing to me that even when I get to stay at home most of the week (all of Joel's therapy's have been canceled...therapists don't want to get sick, imagine that :] ) I feel like a crazy chicken running around with my head cut off...or should I say I wish my head was cut off. I have had a head cold all last week that has now found it's way into my chest. For the first time today the house is quite for a moment. Joel is taking a nap, the boys are outside playing, there is a load of laundry washing...oh wait, not so quite, the kitchen timer is beeping at me.

OK, now that I've got the kitchen timer turned off...and in the process noticed that the boys (a 4-year-old in particular) were playing in the mud which I had already explicitly told them not to do...where was I? Oh yeah, life being busy. So, last week started by us coming home from Big Bear on Sunday (feels like a world away) and then Monday I had to pick up Isaac's car from a park 'n ride near the beach. That's right, the wonderful thing about southern California is that we were in the snow one day and on a 72* beach the next day. And, as you might have guessed by me picking up Isaac's car, he worked away from home all last week. So, after I picked up the car I took the boys by the beach. I tried with all my might to avoid it because I have been having problems with my heart and I was tired and had a lot of unpacking to do at home, but it's like the beach has a magnetic pull and I just couldn't be so close without stopping by. (We only live 30 minutes from this beach...but don't go as often as I would like.) It was great fun for the short time we were there (I didn't have much change for the meter). The boys played on a playground that is in the sand and then they moved to playing with the sand and then we progressed toward the water and they got to put their toes in. They loved it, running and squealing the whole time. It was hard to drag Joel away from the water when it was time to go. As we left the boys got to run and scare about 500 seagulls who were sitting on the beach. Wish I had my camera with me. :( Tuesday came around with me catching my mom's cold. I was sick the rest of the week and with Isaac gone, things were hard. It's difficult when you're not feeling good and there is no one to give you a break. How do single moms do it? I am in awe of single moms.

The doctor called me on Monday with results from the heart halter I had worn the previous week. It did catch one of episodes I have been feeling and after looking at all 24 hours of results the doc thought I should go on medication to slow down my heart. Now, for those of you who know me I like midwives, homeopathic remedies, herbs and vitamins...not pharmaceuticals so much. I know they have their place and can save lives, but it is not always my first choice. So, promising to avoid caffeine and get more rest bought me a week without medication. I decided to get a second opinion from a cardiologist. Part of this decision is that I want to know why my heart is beating too fast and having palpitations. I need to have further testing done...not just "your hearts beating too fast so here's your medication". Something that has to be considered is that my grandma had problems with her heart valves, and also that I haven't been ruled out yet from having TSC (since it is hereditary about a third of the time). TSC can cause benign tumors to grow in any of your vital organs including the heart. So I don't feel comfortable unless we do more testing.

I saw the cardiologist on Friday and he ordered more testing, an ultrasound and a stress test (you know, the dreaded treadmill). These are scheduled in the coming month. I will keep you posted about what's going on. Before we go any further, I should probably fill you in on what's been happening with my heart. About three weeks ago I was on a day outing with my family and we were taking a walk when all of a sudden my heart started misplacing beats (that's how I describe palpitations) after a few seconds of palpitations it turned into racing and pounding. So fast and so hard that it took my breath away. It was hard to breath and I felt lightheaded (like I was going to faint) and dizzy and I felt overheated so I had to take off my jackets (in the snow, I might add). This lasted several minutes (way too long) and part way through it felt like my chest was tightening. As my heart slowed somewhat I got a really sharp pain in my right shoulder. This lasted about 5-10 minutes with my heart still beating too rapidly and still feeling like I couldn't get enough oxygen. Scary stuff. Up until this happened I had only had palpitations occasionally (like maybe once every couple of months) during the last about four years. My mom has palpitations so I kind of expected to have palpitations also, but not an episode like this. Since that episode I have been having palpitations almost daily, multiple times a day. Whenever I get them I feel light headed and dizzy and I feel like I can't breath. I have also in general just been feeling exhausted and have a lack of energy. I have been waking up at night with my heart racing. Some other things, may or may not be connected, I have had a low fever (off and on) for over a year now (docs don't know why), my memory has been REALLY BAD lately (and I mean so bad it's scary...not just memory but thinking in general is bad), my eyesight is getting worse weekly and now I am often having trouble focusing my eyes. On top of all that I am losing my hair. Hopefully we can figure out what's going on soon because I sound like I am falling apart.

Thankfully Friday night Isaac came home. It was kinda hard to be thinking scary things about my heart all week without really being able to share it with him. Saturday I felt awful...it was one of my worst days...fever, heart acting up, really super weak (I almost couldn't stand or walk), exhausted, eyes not focusing...and then, God gave me a blessing through my children. "Mommy, mommy come outside fast!" And there before my eyes was the most beautiful rainbow. I was blessed to be able to get a picture of it before it slowly vanished.God's rainbow is a promise to us...Genesis 9:16 "Whenever the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will see it and remember the everlasting covenant between God and all living creatures of every kind on the earth." The covenant this refers to is God promising never to destroy the earth again with a flood. But on Saturday, that rainbow meant more than that. It was a promise to me from God that he was with me and that no matter what is happening there is beauty surrounding me if I only look up to the sky.

Locked Out

A lot of kids for a very small house!

Has anyone every forgotten their password? I did and the password reset didn't seem to be working so I was locked out of my blogs. Very, very frustrating. I finally figured out the password I had forgotten.

Sorry not to be around for so long. Everything is going (I was about to say okay, but that's not true) not so great. I have been taking care of my five nieces and nephews for almost three weeks now. That makes eight kids to take care of...and to make things harder...the youngest four don't speak any English. To make things worse, I got Shingles about a week into them being here (probably from all the stress). The pain hasn't killed me but the itching might make me go crazy. I am praying that this goes away as soon as possible.

Also, we found out yesterday that my mom has pnomonia. She'll end up in the hospital on Friday if it isn't gone. My dad also has bronchitis.

And to top things off, yesterday my grandma fell and broke her hip. She had surgery today and is doing okay.

Seems like a lot of bad things have been happening to us. Under attack? As soon as I can I will post an update I wrote about Joel for our Christmas card. Funny to say but I have missed you all. Hopefully soon I will have more time to post.

My new business (or do I mean busyness?)

Joel has a cold so that is why I haven't had time to post lately. On top of that I have started a new business this past week - www.save-your-stories.com. I am an independent consultant for Heritage Makers. It is a wonderful company and their goal is to strengthen families so it is something I am proud to be doing while really enjoying it. This week has been mostly set up. I will be posting more about my exciting new part-time career when I have more time. The reason for adding this job to my already insane schedule/life is that with Isaac out of work so much this year and all of Joel's medical expenses the past two years we have gotten ourselves into debt. Isaac wanted to get a part-time job to start paying it off and I didn't want him gone more than he already is. Most of my new work can be done from home, so the kids don't lose any time with either of us. Please pray that this goes well for me. Adding a new part-time job to my very busy schedule basically means I don't have time for anything but necessities like kids, church, school, doctors, therapists, business, dishes, cleaning, and laundry (which I am getting really behind on.) Did I mention that Isaac started his new job last Monday? We are so pleased to have him working again. He is on a demolition crew and has been working a jack-hammer and moving cement chunks all week. Add to this he has a daily drive of 3 hours. Poor guy has been coming home in the evenings with no energy left. Since Isaac isn't home much anymore and has no energy when he is home, I have taken on a lot more around the house. I am praying God will provide me the strength to continue doing everything to His glory. I will try to be better about blogging more, the day just needs to be longer than 24 hours.

Smile

In honor of Joel's birthday I wanted to make two special posts. Here is the first.

Joel rarely smiled before his surgery. One of the many wonderful results of the surgery is that he is more interactive, therefore he smiles more.

Joel's beautiful smiles: How could you not fall in love with him? ;-)